Friday

The
Best
Day
0f
The
Week

Feeling Extremely Grateful For All The Amazing People In My Life

Looking

Forward

To 

Making

You

Smile

The Spinning Wheels Of Fastness: A Startups Burst

Now that's almost like what Paul Graham would name one of his essays. "The Spinning Wheels Of Fastness by Paul Graham" I can see it now on his funny, easy to use blog of essays, and his life as an entrepreneur and VC, as well as his former life as the head of Y Combinator.

This is my blog and I get to tell you what the title means. It's that oh so wonderful feeling every successful founder stumbled upon when they finally found the startup that was going to be a success. 

For me, the wheels of fastness are happening now with Passdown. It's like I do one thing hardly creative and it goes BOOM! People react in a way that they never did in my last startup build. I am taken back and shocked by this. I usually have a stunned look on my face while in my mind I process the reaction. 

Hmmmm. What did I say that was so different from my last startup I ponder. To me, I keep expecting people to react the same way as they did my last startup. " Oh, that sounds nice" No one ever was excited about my last startup, but now, it's different.

It seems to be that the spinning wheels of fastness are upon me. I also seem to be landing on every inch of luck that I can. To me, I think, that the startup idea itself takes on some sort of living power. It becomes some monster outside of myself, grabbing up all the life it can, then it returns it to me like a dog who fetched the ball. 

This monster wants me to be happy it's finding the ways to excite people with it's puppy floppy ears and a smile to lure in the disbelievers. 

All the days are spinning fast. The foundation build is quick, swift, and overflowing. Every stone that I needed to find, popped into the build as if, it had been waiting for me for years, ready to claim it's place amongst the bricks.

As a struggling founder of failed startups, I'm am spinning, with my arms stretched out, gathering in all the amazement of this surprise, this build is giving me. It's life all around me, reaching out and grabbing towards the beautiful gift Passdown is going to give humanity. People want it, and that want is leaking into my world, and I am gratefully receiving the response.

Soon I will be telling all of you what Passdown is, and how it will bless your life. To me, I am in the Startup Burst. The place where I have to accept the truth, that I helped build the path to create something great for humans. It's sort of a humbling place to be. And for now, I can only handle little bits of success. 

A Founders Nerves: Taking The Stage

Wow, Passdown is a very different startup then my last one DigiThin. I'm meeting people from around the world who are excited about it's potential. Yesterday I met someone from my home town Denver. 

Denver startup week is coming up in September and someone sent me an invite to present my startup on stage. Well, I didn't think much about it, and shot off some sloppy scraps of data and told the man what Passdown is. I didn't realize until later I was supposed to send a pitch. Woops. It wasn't really a pitch, it was just the facts of what Passdown is, and some snippets of the web site build. I also included in my note "I hope I don't get picked, I'll be nervous to be on stage" 

Yep, just the thought of having to be on stage in front of an audience makes my stomach ache. Terror fills my mind. 

Myself, I love going to pitching events. I've been to a few. It's really great to go to these type of events as a founder, you can learn how to pitch when watching others. I've seen great pitches and the sad ones that didn't make sense and the person bombed! That's my fear! Making a complete fool of myself and not being able to pitch the company in a good light. 

Surprisingly the man sent an email back to me and said "I hope you do get picked, this is something I had not thought much about!" and we will help you so you won't be as nervous. 

Uhh Ohhh, I could be in serious "nervous hell trouble." Here it is, what a founder must do. A founder has to wear many hats. A founder has to do all kinds of things they don't want to do.I remember how much I hated all the legal paperwork, filing documents with the government. There is a ton of things when building a business that I do not like, and speaking in front of a crowd is at the top of my list! 

I have to remember it's for Passdown not me. If I do get picked to be one of the presenters getting my scared as hell ass on stage would only benefit Passdown. It may open up some doors. Doors that lead to additional team members. Doors that help bring the service to you. 

The only thing I have going for me to not get picked is my sloppy submission. The only thing I have going for Passdown to get picked is, well, it seems to be a startup idea that makes people excited around the world! 

I'll let you know if I have to take the stage! Yikes! I think I might vomit right now!

The Story Of This Startups 2090 Man

2090 Man

As I have been building Passdown, there is a page in the web site called The Year 2090. It's a look into the future. Seventy Six years from now. On this page is a list of currently used Social Networks as well as some made up networks or apps of the future. Here is the list.

Twitter: 1.7 MM Followers

WhisperApp: 19 MM Replies, 28 MM Hearts 11 MM Whispers

Facebook: 5 K Friends

Facebook Business: 842K Likes

FoundMe: 11 K Negotiations 20 K Nods

Pinterest: 4 MM Followers 9oo K Pins 12 K Repins

LinkedIN: 2.9 MM Connections

Youtube: 920 Videos 1189 Subscriptions

Medium:1200 Post, 879 Unpublished Posts

Mobile Apps Galore:69

3Yobitor:7 Externals 1 Completion

StrappyApp: 4 K Straps

Gmail:157 K Sent 224 K Received

CountTheStairs:7 K Accomplishments

Vine: 30 K Likes, 55 K Comments, 48 K Loops, 211 KRevines

Instagram: 28 K Followers, 22 K Post

Blogger: 28 K Post, 14 K Unpublished

Tumblr: 48 K Followers, 32 K Post

Wiggle:19 K Wiggles

GeeVee: 10 MM Compliments, 17 MM Encouragements

It might be hard to imagine someone having these high numbers in any of their network accounts. Yet the social internet hasn't been around for seventy six years. Maybe 20 years since we first starting getting connected to the World Wide Web. It's important for you to look at the future to understand what Passdown is. 

You see I had this problem on the right side of the list was a great big blank spot. So I needed a decoration and my graphics man Sultan, came up with 2090 Man. He is sort of the unofficial mascot now. He's so cute.

Passdown will be launching the beta sign up in September. We have so much to build for you. We at Passdown are very excited about your future.  

The Yellow Book Of Skills To Get Traction

I have not finished this book since I received it a week ago. I find myself stopping and looking sites up on the net mentioned in the book. It's packed full of all the things a startup needs to do to be successful. They say it goes hand in hand with the book The Lean Startup by Eric Ries. I have not read The Lean Startup but I just received that in the mail today. 

I've read a million post from well known bloggers in the startup world. I've bought books, studied and yet, I never came across all this great info in one small yellow book! AMAZING! My body is almost trembling with desire to put these skills to use on my new startup Passdown. It's the most perfect timing for this book to come out just before I launch. 

So this is going to be my yellow book experiment. If I use this book as my plan to make Passdown successful, will it work? Only time will answer that question. One year from now I must write a post and tell you, how the traction channels I chose to use from this book worked for Passdown. Or didn't work. Heck there are nineteen traction channels, the only reason they couldn't or wouldn't work is, if Passdown was a down right bad idea. Even still people can sell some of the what I think are the dumbest products on earth and make millions. I always wonder how they do it. Well, they figured out how to get traction. 

This book even says that 90% of the reasons a startup fails is because they don't know how to get Traction. There certainly is an art to doing it. 

So here I go on my one year experiment using the yellow Traction book!

Update:August 2016- I never finished my experiment. I ended up shutting down Passdown. I am using this book now on the startup Kazamster and it's really been useful to the max. It's like a blueprint for how to grow your startup. I see that Justin and Gabriel have a new version out. 

Can't wait to read it and see what's changed. If you are a startup builder this is a must have book. Hopefully I will get to use the entire 19 channels on Kazamster!

A Founders Empathy

I was born a sensitive person. This was a problem for me for many years. As a kid I got picked on often, since they knew I wore my emotions on my sleeve, they knew they could make me cry. 

So bullies run-a-muck on me for many years. Now I've grown up and I am stronger. I rarely cry. Except for when they play that violin music in movies and shows with some sad story. I always cry then. 

What I tend to do now is have deep empathy for others. I had sensed some impending doom was heading my way, and it did. But it wasn't my doom. It was someone elses whom I care deeply for.

Today I found myself filled with a sorrow even worse than the sorrow I felt for the recent death of my brother Mark. As much as being born so sensitive had caused me problems in life, it is a gift like that tormentor in me. I am not sure how this gift works. I am hoping that because today I was filled with an enormous sadness, that overtook my soul, that the person whom is the one who has been suffering the longest, in a prison of pain, that maybe somehow I carried the burden for that person. Maybe the weight of the crushing issue was lifted from this person's life, for just a bit. 

I have been in plenty of horrible situations in my life, where I had done wrong, made wrong choices, hurt others, hurt my own self. Sometimes those situations can encase you in a hell that you think you deserve the ultimate punishment. Yeah, death.  

I always wonder why my post Wrapping Your Head Around The Self Judgement of Yourself, is on my top ten most popular post list. I think it's because so many of us judge ourselves so severely. I'm guilty of condemning myself so severely. I think my heart and soul are heavy today, because I know if I had walked in the shoes, and did what this person had done. I know I would have killed myself. I have almost no capacity to forgive myself. Forgiving ourselves is a hard thing to do for some of us. I truly commend this person for being able to face this and think of the positive and look for something good to come out of it.

My heart hurts and is filled with empathy for this dear person in my life. Of course I forgive this person, and I do not feel this person should be punished or condemned in any way. The punishment was living in a personal hell. I do know that it's almost entirely impossible for this person to not fall into a pit of self judgment. And I think that is why my soul is in pain. In the months ahead, that damn tormenter could come calling, knocking on this person's door. Demanding payment for what we all do, make mistakes. 

The Spiders Of Sorrow

Deep Sadness weeps over my soul.

: - (

Yesterday I woke up from a nightmare.

It was so bad

filled with spiders

and the feeling

of impending doom

hung over me all day.

I kept thinking

something is not

right.

Today the news came

Such sadness

a 

sorrow

my soul is killing me with pain.

Which path will this distress take?

The side of 

life

or the side of

death?

I ache for this life not to be

taken

I weep for all the mistakes

we make.

I pray self punishment

will not win 

this battle.

Benefits Of A Power Outage

The following is an email I recieved from my friend and team member in Egypt. During our work back in forth between two countries and across an ocean. We must wait out the power outage before we can communicate again.

Jana,

I read what you have said about the power outage in Egypt... you know what ? there are a lot of benefits from this outage :

- Gathering the family around the battery lamp enforce the family links 

- Enforcing the cardiac and the pulmonary system as you must use the stairs instead of using the lift ( my apartment is in the 17^thfloor ) ,

and losing some weights too.

- Increasing other senses than sight , as touching and smelling and from what I see ,  we will evolve soon to Bats . 

- Increasing the faith part in our lives , when the power cuts off , we all say "Oh my God" ( I add "#$%@!" but not in front of my daughter of course ) , and when it returns back , we all say "Thank you God."

I can fill a glass of water in a complete darkness without falling a drop out of the glass , can you do that ?!

I can do it :D

I felt jealous when you said that only your lawyer and your colleague at work understand what is Passdown , I understand the idea, but I want you to explain it to me as you explain it to a 5 years old boy .

I consider myself as a part of your team and I don't want to feel that I am missing something.:)

Have a brilliant day and I will be looking forward to your reply.

Best regards.

 Sultan

*It's not that I do not think Sultan knows what Passdown is. I know he knows. I really have not told many people about it. I will be launching it in September then the world can judge the idea. It was more that when I had told my lawyer and this colleague at work, it was their reaction to it, that had surprised me. I spent two years telling people what DigiThin was and not one person had the reaction of more than " Oh that sounds nice" No one got excited about DigiThin. To see this reaction to Passdown, well, it took me back. It shocked me, it made me see that Passdown has the potential to be a real company that helps people. And with Sultan on the team how could it not be a great company? Someone who turns the power outage struggle into an opportunity for other advancements in life. I am moving to Egypt, I need to lose some weight! 

Life And Passdown

It is everything to be filled up with the meeting of you. Yeah you, the reader of these very words. How I hope to meet you one day, I truly do. As I love meeting people.

Building startups has allowed me the blessing of meeting so many people around the world and my country. I had to seek out help from others to help me. With my new startup build Passdown, again I am meeting all kinds of wonderful people, with stories of LIFE. Yes, this makes me so happy.

Greg whom helps me learn how to use Wordpress among other things has just had his first born. This delights me to see his joy in the miracle of love. I also am impressed with is unique skills he has developed to help entrepreneurs. 

Sultan whom lives in Egypt has been a rock in this build. I cannot tell you the amazing man he is. He is my graphic man for this build. We have come to know each other in just a few short weeks. I do not watch the news for the most part, so I do not know of the struggles Egypt is facing. They have scheduled power outages as there is not enough power for the country in the hot season. Sultan had a tooth that needed to be fixed, and while at the dentist office, the dentist had to use a battery lamp. Wow, I can't imagine living in a country with a power shortage issue. My power only goes out because of a storm or some car crashing into a power source. Sultan tells me how water and fuel are just around the corner for his country. : - /

I find these difficulties he has to live with daily as an extra bonus to who he is. He makes light of it, and I laugh a world away from him. But in my heart I am compelled to put myself in his shoes and walk the road of these struggles.

Can I imagine being at the dentist on back up power? With a flashlight perhaps? No. 

I'm getting so close to releasing Passdown to you. It's for everyone who is connected. I have my fears that you might not like it or understand it. But I kinda think you will. After all, gifted people from around the world are helping me build it for you. I believe that when people create together, the idea becomes a living thing. The idea takes a little piece of life out of all the people who contribute to the build and turns it into, well, AMAZING.

Life ~ even in our suffering it is the gift I embrace. 

Keep dreaming and building your startups! 

What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up? A Startup Of Course

It is a long road to go but I'm not leaving it. What do you want to be when you grow up they always asked me. I never knew. I made up answers that was typical. The President of the United States, an astronaut, a t.v. anchor.

School. It never was for me. At least the way school was then, and maybe still is today.

I wish they had a program for people like me. I am the one who got bored with the teachings and found a better place to be while in class. It was my mind of fantasy. I'd look out the window and watch life outside, and dream up all kinds of stories in my head, while the teacher was teaching the foundation of what could help me right now. Grammar and math. Oh how I need those two subjects today. 

My education was spent in fantasy land. I had to escape the childhood I was living in, and to go to places of wonderment in my head. This was the place I loved. I loved it so much, I still have not stopped that world even today. Fantasy in my brain is my world of endless joy. Nothing bad ever happens in fantasy land.

No evil, no cruelty, no endless misery.

I used to think something was wrong with me for living in a fantasy land as an adult. I felt like part of my mind didn't want to grow up. I know why now, this fantasy land in my head dominates me. It's the reason I can think of ideas. It's the reason people say to me "How do you think of these things?" as if they have no creative thought pattern in their own head. To me creating is super easy. It's just a matter of putting in data from what I know on the outside world into the inside world of my mind. When I mix those two together, I get ideas. Those ideas are fantasy. They are the story line I play in the brain to entertain myself.

Now I seek to entertain you with my fantasy world. Building startups is my canvas to bring to you my art. It's participation art. 

When I spread my fantasy out onto the people of the world, my desire is to bring to you a fantasy of joy. A fantasy that can pierce into your heart and cut out all the pain. To put a smile on your face that gives you hope to live on no matter how hard the struggle may be for you now. If you go into fantasy land you can be free of any misery. 

Often I talk about myself being crazy. I am crazy in many ways. I'm so very risky. Because I live in two worlds, fantasy and the real world, this causes me the crazy's. 

I know I'm not going to cut my ear off or run down the street naked. I'm going to build. I'm going to keep making my canvass bigger so that you can be on it. I'm going to be the answer to "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

My answer is. I'm the fantasy that impacted the world. That's what I'm going to be when I grow up. 

 

Part 2: Reactions To My New Startup Passdown

The crazy woman is on the loose. Yep, I'm building again, but I never stopped. I was always doing something on DigiThin until the day I pivoted right into my new startup idea. 

Oh, I am wild. I am funny, I am seeking the something born into me to create. I am the one who has to find it and dig it out of me. 

I have told different people, different versions of what my new startup is. This is because by talking to them I am actually forming the ideas "verbal presents." I know what it is in my head. The problem is the passage from the thoughts in my brain to the mouth. The wires get crossed. Some people see it as this way, and others see it as some other way. So I practice the route of the way out of my head that my idea must travel to get the most accurate version of what Passdown is, or does.

Apparently the route I used on my lawyer Josh and Myra, was the best route to the truth living in my brain. It is this route I hope in all my works that I will be able to convey that to you. To the people whom will benefit from Passdown.

Countless rambling descriptions of what it is, has been slashed and re-written. I have hacked the words up over and over. I want the most simple, fast and easy to read version. 

Last night I was again at my 'day job.' Watching human hearts beat in all kinds of messed up beats. Hardly any of them had a song in them. Oh my weeping heart for the sick and the suffering. I thought about what Myra and I had talked about. She had this story about some sort of humanitarian organization she had done an internship with. She seemed to be focused on one thing that I should need to know. Going Viral. It can make you want to take your clothes off and run down the street naked! 

Wait, what? Apparently the founder of this organization had run down the street naked after something the company did went viral. She said "he had a meltdown and went crazy."

I was going over in my mind what Myra and I had talked about the night before. This night I was working with someone else, and she was quite. So I had time to think about what Myra had told me. For some reason Myra was warning me. I think it's because she thought Passdown had some sort of possibility of going viral. She was worried for me. She didn't want me to become like the founder of the organization she had worked for. She didn't want me to run down the street buck naked! Damn, now that's crazy. 

I admit to my craziness often in my blog. I am aware of it. I also am aware that it is part of the gift of creativity, yet I don't see myself running down the street naked. If I do, please take lots of pictures! : - ) It could make you a ton of paparazzi cash. 

Still, her concern to bring up this story was important to her. She wanted to warn me about the possibility of going viral, as it could lead to unpredictable behavior in a founder. Hmmm

The thing about viral is, you can take steps to try to create it to happen or you can just never worry about it, and if and when it goes viral. Be happy! Some people are so shocked that they went viral a year after they posted a youtube video. To them the story is long over, and all of a sudden they are famous! I do not know what it would be like to go viral, but I am almost positive I will not run down the street naked. 

If Passdown went viral the only thing I think I might do is get drunk and do druken posting. : - ) yep, guilty! Thank goodness you won't have to see me naked. That could be frightful! 

Reactions To My New Startup Passdown

There I was at work, at my day job, which is really the graveyard shift. I call it the "day job", because it's the job I'm going to quit when my startup takes off. Or at least that was the plan with my last startup, but I'm still there, so you kinda know why.

I was working with Myra in the tele room. The telemetry room is the heart monitor room. I work at the nearby hospital on the heart floor, and the tele room is where I watch up to 48 hearts beating through the night. It's the 911 center of your heart, if you happen to be a patient. If your heart has any issues, I know about it first. 

Myra was married just a few weeks ago and I had not seen her since her wedding vacation. I had only worked with her once before and I had taken a liking to her great personality right off the bat. Myra is a stunningly beautiful, twenty something woman. 

So as we began our work, Myra asked me what I've been up to. She knew about my first startup, so I blurted out "I'm building a new startup." She then wanted to know about it, so I told her. I had no pitch memorized, in fact I still was trying to get the idea out of my head, as little pieces of this new startup, keep creeping out of my mind in segments of delight.

I ripped out a few sentences of what I was sure most likely was going to get me the same response as I had received so many times in the past with my first startup. An "oh that sounds nice." As I finished my explanation, she turned and looked at me dead center, with her mouth partly open and said "I want to be a part of Passdown." Of course I heard her, but I was stunned so I said "what?" She kept her serious face on, still looking dead serious at me, and repeated her statement. "I want to be a part of Passdown." 

I looked at her and said "But aren't you going to school to be a nurse?" and she said "Yeah, but this is gonna be big and I want to be a part of it" As with my lawyer, here was the second person who seemed to know exactly what I was saying and she could see the enormous possibilities for Passdown. Unlike Josh, she saw the other side of the two things Passdown does. He saw the one, she saw the other. And they both possessed that glimmer in their demeanor of "they know." Yes, it has the possibility of being BIG, still a ton of work to be done to get it to that point.

As the night went on Myra told me stories and I could see she had some sort of links to the startup world. We had a great talk and I'm really impressed with her. Still I was taken aback and wondered to myself, "Could Passdown really be big?" Why had these two people reacted the way they did? This is something new for me, to see other humans react this way, kind of shocks me with a thrilling glimpse of maybe what could be to come.  

I'm pretty sure at this point, even with not knowing Myra all that well, that she is going to be a BIG part of Passdown. Her voice, the look in her eye when she said "I want to be a part of Passdown" it was like a statement of fact. She had no doubt whatsoever. Here she is starting classes again in two days to follow the path of what we do, if we want a better life than cleaning toilets. She had no concern for that part of her life. Myra's face and statement said it all. "I want to be a part of Passdown" 

Now this is what a founder wants to hear. This is what a founder wants to experience. If the reaction of the potential users is anything like these two people, well then, maybe I finally found my gift for humanity. ~

Traction A Startup Guide

Traction A Startup Guide To Getting Customers by Gabriel Weinberg and Justin Mares.  

Just recieved this in the mail. So excited to read it, study it,and implement it! As an entrepreneur one must wear many hats. The getting traction hat for me turned out to be one of my biggest weaknesses in my last startup. This time around my plan is to master traction! If one can do that, then it will not matter what I am selling. I could be selling doggie bags shaped like dogs, or purple balloons that when blown up by the air in your lungs float better than helium. If you only have a few people that know about your product or service then you have NO TRACTION. 

I will let you know how this read helps Passdown become known. 

Luxuary Of The Day For My Startup

Typical life annoyances happened to me as I started my day. First the coffee filter got stuck and when I went into the kitchen to fetch my first cup of coffee for the day, it had been pouring out all over the counter and not into the pot. A hot disaster. I had to clean up with the desire to sip the overflow off the counter with my mouth.

Later this morning I jumped into my car with my daughter heading out to a Doctor appointment. Turned the car key and there was absolutely nothing. No sound, no engine cranking, no power! Luckily we had another vehicle we could take.

Still the funny disruptions of challenge came upon me. I had this song I was in desire of downloading cause I needed my music fix. Yep I downloaded it or so I thought, but only to the the google or microsoft program on my pc, I could not find the file anywhere on my pc to load it onto other devices. I could only listen to it on my lap or my cell. Where the hell did they put the file? I paid for it, and I wanted to put it on my mp3 player for my workouts. Hmmm, still have not found the solution to that mystery of the day.

Finally I started pounding out idea data into my startup build, and here was the luxury of the day. The creative in me, came out to put a stamp on all the annoying frustrations of the day. It turned on it's shining light of amazement to me. Fooling me, as it always fools. Feeling as if it's some other entity coming up with these ideas in me. I mean, how could it be me? It seems to amazing for me to think these creative ideas come out of me. 

I will continue on until sleep must overtake my body. Listening to my new sounds, ever building for you something from the elusive entity that possess my soul to create. 

The "Talk" With My Lawyer

I avoided my lawyer for months. I'm sure he thought, I had found a new lawyer, and he had become toast. No he had only become a butter liquefier. Everytime he had come into my life, my cash melts down fast. Sometimes I think, I'd like to send him a funny joke going around the internet, but I'll be charged for him to read it. You know they charge for every vowel out of your mouth, but hey, facial expressions are free! 

You know the new training they get in college. That, timer training. Every time you start talking, it's on. The catch is you have to figure out the hard way.

Ahhh, I really love my lawyer. He is a young fresh kid, whom I like to mess with, by saying outlandish statements to. Yep, those kind of statements that makes a person have to act extra professional. Not respond in any way to such crazy statements. Oh you don't know how much fun I have messing with people in this manner. Especially lawyers!

Okay, so I avoided him until finally my legal issues in building a startup, started to burst. I had to let him in on my new startup build. I've taken it to the point where, I need to check all my legal p's and q's. And Josh is extremly meticulous in every detail legal. Of course I tried to slip in some cutting corners in the past, but he set me straight. I salute him for his outstanding ability to follow the law. My messing with him results in my old standard as, I just can't be that good. Sometimes you gotta be a little bad. 

Of course I like to follow the laws to the up most of my ability. I only speed a little, but I sort of like messing with his training, by tempting him to cut a corner, no one drives that perfect! He just can't do it. Truly I admire him for this, and that's why he will always be a part of my team. 

Yesterday I had the "talk" with him. That's the one when I say "Hey I'm building a new startup, and I need these three items from you". He was happy to comply. So he went to work doing what I had asked. 

He did just as I thought he would. Completely, meticulously, flawless work. Then he made a big lawyer error. Shh don't tell him. He doesn't even know yet what he did. Ha ha ha, I've got him cornered, he will be forced to do as I say to save face! 

Then he surprised me. He needed to talk to me on the phone. Finally he let his real humanity out and became a person who could see that my new startup has something. He seemed to stumble around the words, but it all came out, he said "This is the best idea you have had yet" this idea is, well, this one could really do something for people, this...this...idea, well I know about this, but I have never thought about it the way you have, this is... I could tell, yes! finally, I was able to show the fantasy of the idea in my head to someone else and they GOT IT. It is that fantasy the entrepreneur comes up with, is often times, hard to explain. I usually get wrinkled faces instead of what the entrepreneur in me would like to receive. It is what had befallen on Josh. He was able to dream with me. He was able to see all the massive potential. He was able to see a little tiny glimpse into my dream. 

To see someone wrap their head around my idea, this is a very magical moment for me. He ended saying something to the effect that this idea could very well leave a lasting impact on humanity. I said, and this is what I have always wanted to do.   

I hope you will be able to dream with me and the Passdown team ~ 

Releasing as soon as we get the p's and q's checked! and paid for : - )

Related articles: 

Reactions To My New Startup Passdown

Part 2: Reactions To My New Startup Passdown

Making Your Idea Understandable

Ahhh, working like a crazy woman on fire with an iv line hooked to a gas pump, building my new startup Passdown.

The biggest frustration is getting the idea out of my head and making that idea understandable to others. One of my handicaps is my poor level of grammar skills. The other handicap is what most entrepreneurs struggle with.

In the brain the idea makes perfect sense. It plays over and over again on the fantasy setting cranked on high. Yet, I've spent hours trying to get it out of my head and when I have others check my work, they can't see the fantasy as I do. : - /

This is majorly frustrating. I will not stop until I get it.

On a fun note here is 2090 Man, in his animated form. The great work of Sultan from Egypt! It is such an honor to work with him.

I get so much joy out of 2090 man! He makes me smile everytime I see him.
Hope he makes you smile too!

Invisible Suicide: The Tortured Soul

I was at a sip and painting event when I heard that Robin Williams had died. She turned to me to say "my mom just texted me that Robin Williams committed suicide." 

This was an odd statement coming from my friends mouth. What..what...what did you say, I asked? 

I went on painting my dandelion, thinking about Robin and how his gift had made me laugh a plenty of times in my own dark despair. I

thought about Barry Fey. Barry was a successful concert promoter in my state of Colorado for many years. I had met Barry a few times and once he had taken me on a date to drink hot cocoa at Village Inn. Barry had taken his life a few years ago, after he had hip replacement surgery and was struggling with the recovery from it. At least that is what I had read about his death. I was very sad about his death.

One of Barry's close friends commented in the paper saying "He was a tortured soul." There happens to be many of us tortured souls out there in the world, I too am one. 

My cousin Van was a tortured soul. He took his life at the age of twentyfour. He was living with his beautiful girlfriend and they just moved into a new place. He went on his morning jog, and decided that jumping in front of a train and having his body cut into thirds was a good idea. Yeah, that's a tortured soul. 

For me I've come to many milestones to understand what haunts me. I've been labeled by professionals with all kinds of descriptions, and did the therapy circuit many times. The truth is, I am a creative person and without some sort of insanity torturing me, I could not create. I think without the tormentor, I'd be a mundane wall flower that never had anything to offer humanity. 

Recently my twin brother was found dead in his apartment after the smell of his decomposing body alerted neighbors. We are still waiting for the coroner's report as to why he died. The thing is, he was killing himself his entire life. He was tortured even more than I am. Part of me thinks he took his life, and the other part of me thinks he died of natural causes, like a heart attack or a stroke. 

As I think about Robin Williams and Barry Fey, I think about the fact that I too am never safe at any age, from being taken down that road by the tormentor. Yeah, I attempted suicide years ago. I feel like I've grown way out of that time of my life, but I do admit, suicide thoughts are invisible to everyone but me. No one knows when they are in my brain and when they are not, but I. Sometimes I think that the thought of suicide is really a poisonous thought, that once it entered into my brain all those years ago, it's a weed, and the roots are to thick and deep to pull out. 

I'm sad about Robin Williams, and everyone who has this very unique blessing that enables us to give beautiful gifts to humanity. Maybe when you know someone who is creative, humorous, gifted and full of life, just remember, they are most likely tortured souls, and the best thing to do is to let them know how much you love them. Even more so, if they push you away. Sometimes, at least for me, I just need extra encouragement. I need other human beings to believe in me even when I fail and fall short. For me, I think because of this tormented soul condition, I need extra feedback of support from other humans, because I cannot build myself up, I have very little capacity to believe in myself. My trainer said I have a problem with "self loathing" He is probably correct. Yet, when others believe in me, I shine. I think us tortured soul people need positive feedback from others, and if we get a ton of negative feedback from others because of our mistakes, missteps and all common human behaviors, well, we crash. We go right into a pit of swirling thoughts that taunt us into thinking suicide is a good idea.

Terrified I am. I hope the day never comes for me that the swirling thoughts of the supposedly good idea takes me from you. It is old age that I want to die from. As vain as I am about wrinkles, I think I could get used to them. 



Update: So the news this week 11/12/14 is that Robin Williams had a hallucination condition that they can only find after looking at the brain,after death. I"m sadin to the fact that I cannot get the results of my brother's death and he died months before Mr. Robin Williams. I feel sad. Surely they will not do the same type of lab results on my brother as they did a famous person? They will not find anything significant as what they found on Mr. Williams. If they would ask me, I'd pay to find out.

I think this news is a justification for Robin Williams committing suicide. Be it may be true. If my brother committed suicide, well, who cares? They will never do the in depth report or in depth search they did on Mr.Williams nope, known abusers are worthless humans who do not deserve full research. I can bet you anything one day the report will come back on my brother, and my brothers death will be labeled either suicide or inconclusive. There will be no brain reports of hallucination.There will be no explanation of a losers death. It will be what they say. I am positive it won't be the same research as they did for Mr. Williams.



  

The Year 2090 Man

2090 Man

Been working on this graphic with the artist Sultan all day. Sultan lives in Egypt and they have scheduled power outages everyday. He tells me how much he prays his work will not be lost, as when he is in the middle of creating, the power shuts down. This happens multiple times a day.

I can feel the agony in his soul. That is a heart stopping moment when all your hard work goes down the drain in a millisecond. 

Sultan is a genuine solid good person. He has gone out of his way to help me figure out sizing problems with our 2090 man. Were trying to get it into the website, and he needs to be tall in the place he goes. This is not an easy feat to achieve.

This is the static version of him. He looks smoking awesome on cell phones though! The animated version is super COOL also. 

I had an idea and I told Sultan what it was, but I said, I do not think my idea is the one. Yet, there is something that needs to go in this big blank spot I have in the website build. Sultan came up with 2090 Man. 

Oh how I love creating with others. It so much fun! 

If you need graphics contact me for info: jana@passdownapp.com Sultan is an amazing man with so much care and detail to deliver what you want. He listens, observes, and understands your need, and desire, and then adds in his creative gift and whamo, you just got blessed with an undiscovered artist. 

I can't say enough good about Sultan. He has gone above, below, beyond, to make sure I get the graphics I want and for them to display correctly. And for him to have to live in the electricity conditions of his country, and being someone who depends on electricity to make a living worldwide. I can't say enough about his deep concern for his customers. Truly, the world needs more people like him. 

If anyone has any connection to Apple, could you please donate a brand new pc to him? Sultan is also working on a fifteen year old pc. What? How can that be? I was shocked when he told me that, because I've had two laptops in the last five years. A fifteen year old pc is like a dinosaur, how could it possibly work for him? Well, Sultan gets it to work with every power outage. He never gives up. I really wish I could send him a brand new pc, but I cannot afford it. Truly if anyone reading this, and wants to bless a man with a gift that he would use to create and bless people with. Please do. Good Karma never hurts. ; - )