A Founders Empathy

I was born a sensitive person. This was a problem for me for many years. As a kid I got picked on often, since they knew I wore my emotions on my sleeve, they knew they could make me cry. 

So bullies run-a-muck on me for many years. Now I've grown up and I am stronger. I rarely cry. Except for when they play that violin music in movies and shows with some sad story. I always cry then. 

What I tend to do now is have deep empathy for others. I had sensed some impending doom was heading my way, and it did. But it wasn't my doom. It was someone elses whom I care deeply for.

Today I found myself filled with a sorrow even worse than the sorrow I felt for the recent death of my brother Mark. As much as being born so sensitive had caused me problems in life, it is a gift like that tormentor in me. I am not sure how this gift works. I am hoping that because today I was filled with an enormous sadness, that overtook my soul, that the person whom is the one who has been suffering the longest, in a prison of pain, that maybe somehow I carried the burden for that person. Maybe the weight of the crushing issue was lifted from this person's life, for just a bit. 

I have been in plenty of horrible situations in my life, where I had done wrong, made wrong choices, hurt others, hurt my own self. Sometimes those situations can encase you in a hell that you think you deserve the ultimate punishment. Yeah, death.  

I always wonder why my post Wrapping Your Head Around The Self Judgement of Yourself, is on my top ten most popular post list. I think it's because so many of us judge ourselves so severely. I'm guilty of condemning myself so severely. I think my heart and soul are heavy today, because I know if I had walked in the shoes, and did what this person had done. I know I would have killed myself. I have almost no capacity to forgive myself. Forgiving ourselves is a hard thing to do for some of us. I truly commend this person for being able to face this and think of the positive and look for something good to come out of it.

My heart hurts and is filled with empathy for this dear person in my life. Of course I forgive this person, and I do not feel this person should be punished or condemned in any way. The punishment was living in a personal hell. I do know that it's almost entirely impossible for this person to not fall into a pit of self judgment. And I think that is why my soul is in pain. In the months ahead, that damn tormenter could come calling, knocking on this person's door. Demanding payment for what we all do, make mistakes.