The New Frontier Of Suicide

I was cleaning up my office and I found a slip of paper with the title of this post on it. I wanted to write about how suicide today has a new frontier

as compared to when I grew up. It's been on my mind for some time, but I haven't been able to construct the post in my head. So the slip of paper lay in wait of either a post, or a dump into the office trash. 

I can't let it turn into trash so here I am typing and thinking at the same time. Hmmm. I think the first thing you should know is that the first time I ever thought about suicide was when I was eight years old. Life for me was miserable and I didn't want to live anymore. As a grown up I'm in tears, as how could an eight year old want to take their life? A child should always have nothing but joy, security and love. Then I realized it's me, I'm the eight year old. 

The word suicide was a word I had not ever heard of at eight years old. I did know, that living was unbearable and I didn't want to do it. I lay in bed and wished I was never born. Then because I didn't know how to kill myself, I went into fantasy land and made stories up. I had invented a hide-away in my head that I could go to, to escape the pain of living. It was a basement below our basement. A secret basement. Because it was so deep into the ground it had no windows, yet it was so bright. It had a spiral stairway and it was covered in long white fur lined carpet. It was the most beautiful place ever to me as an eight year old. 

What did I do in this secret place? Well, I never did anything. The fantasy was always that I escaped to it, and it was peaceful and happy. Their was no torment or torture. There was no one in this place but me, and as lonely as it seems, I was somehow very happy there.

Don't Come Here To Early

The new frontier of suicide is social networks. Suicidal people can post how they feel. Others can encourage them either positively or negatively. Mostly it's always positive. It's a whole new world. For me, my thoughts of taking my life were only known to me, until I attempted it and ended up in some hospital. Now a days there are so many ways to reach out and get help, even if the people are strangers, they help. There was not this kind of help available to me when I was suffering the strongest. There were NO people I could reach out to, but today these young kids have a multitude of social network's to express their pain on. Today is a good day, because beautiful people can talk to someone anonymously, and find hope.

It's Not Your Time

What did I have back then? No one. I couldn't share with millions of people I cut myself and I had thoughts of hanging or jumping. I had absolutely no one to talk to. The new frontier offers a hope I could have loved to have back then. The new frontier is beautiful if you ask me. These kids today have more hope to live. The loneliest of the lonely has a chance. How I survived my suicide years, I do not know.

I think about Robin Williams, and wonder. I think it's impossible that he just decided to take his life at the age of sixty three. I think, he struggled with suicide thoughts on and off for his entire life, like I do. Once the poisonous thought enters, you can't take it out of your mind. It resurfaces every time you are struggling with life. It's right there to help you out. Ugg. There is no delete for the thoughts in the human brain. This is why we suffer.

This new frontier of suicide is amazing. It's super easy for a suffering person to make contact. You can get help, or help someone. I see people do this everyday. Yep, it's true, some of us are not going to make it. Some of us are going to walk into the next world earlier then our loved ones would want. 

I think with this new frontier, the chances of longer survival are increased greatly. I think some tech startup will develop a tool that takes the notch up even higher. Us who suffer this secret life destroyer will have greater hope. We are not self centered or hopelessly doomed. Our infliction will be annihilated one day. We shall not suffer in silence and fear condemnation for our burden. We are people who display our joy and humor in the mist of a tormentor. We are stable minded on the most part, yet we have to carry the "crazy" whom seeks to take our lives. None of us want it, but we have no choice, it's our gift. It helps us to create. We just need extra love ~ 

Dale Chihuly~ This Is Love To Me
Stay Alive To Create