Your Startup Is A Slot Machine

Many times I feel like building a startup is like playing a slot machine. Each day can be filled with, "Yeah, I got three cherries in a row", then hours of sliding in quarters, and never getting any match at all. Your life being sucked out of you, until you hit the cherries again. 

Oh But Those Cherries Are The Startup Builders Addiction.
It's the only thing we have to hold onto in the onslaught of rejection and demoralization, being told "you have no company, you only have an idea" That's what an investor told me yesterday. After the person said that to me. I looked around my office at all the stacks of legal paperwork one must file to have a registered company. So my company is not making money. Lots of startups don't make money for a very long time. I've spent every waking hour for two years building, thinking, doing what needs to be done to build a company. I hired my first employee. Got a trademark, built a website and 13 social networks, and countless other details. 

He Said Until You Sell Something It's Not A Company!
Well, damn Mr. Investor I just wanted to build a company that makes no money. Yep, the company that exist only to create, pay employees, gather stacks of legal file folders, and keep me busy all just to entertain my desire to play a slot machine. Be beaten down to a pulp, by the ever looming hope that I can turn nothing into something. He forgot to read the part where I said I have sold something. So I guess I'm a company then. 

Yes, My Company Could Sink
I met a young entrepreneur named Alex on WhisperApp. He did not know much about DigiThin, but he said "You have to know when to get off the sinking ship". Well, DigiThin has not even left the dock. It has to go out to sea before it sinks I would think. I'm in the push phase. Try pushing 80 million tons of steal out to sea with only two people, and zero cash flow. 

To Early To Seek Funding
I know I need traction before I seek funding, but I'm in a critical spot right now. So I started seeking. The other thing is when you build a startup often times it morphs into something else, and that has also happened. EavesdropApp is now being designed and I need funds to build it. I think it's a way better idea then DigiThin, but if I hadn't chased the idea of DigiThin, I would never have come up with EavesdropApp. 

He Said He Would Be Interested If I Get Further
Okay Mr. Investor, I will keep you in mind. At least I got a little hope from him. For now I'll keep pulling the slot machine arm, and hoping for three cherries! : - )

~~ jana

WhisperApp Is On Pinterest

For those of us who ventured into the world of, secret sharing apps. We now have a whole new way to view WhisperApp. 

Whisper is on Pinterest

As a psychotic, insane entrepreneur, struggling to get my startup to take off. I go through a ton of stress, and find that humor is a big help to my brain, and from keeping me from going over the edge, that I seem to end up on often.

Last night I spent over an hour reading one of the 45 boards Whisper has on Pinterest. It's the Funny Whispers Board that I found a bucket full of laughter and smiles from. I really love the Whisper Pinterest page. 

When I'm reading WhisperApp whispers, sometimes, yeah it's a little crowded with sex stuff. You know HMU ladies. Or any guys want to send me dick pics? Or the never ending "I Am Bored" 

In my first ever post on Whisper: 5 Days On Whisper...... I was enthralled with it. I became so obsessed with it, that I could hardly put it down. Then I started deleting the app from my phone, only to re-install it a day later. I did that about ten times, finally, I gave up, I'm keeping it installed.

I know there are a bunch of people against Whisper, I have read their point of view. I totally understand it too. But I see something. There is something more to Whisper, that well, we can't really see it, because it's being shaped by the USERS. Plus WhisperApp itself is shaping it. 

Viewing Whisper post on Pinterest gives me an opportunity to cut out all the, sex, ridiculous, immature and stupid post. I can just surf a topic I'm interested in, which for me is always humor. That's my favorite page to look at on a Pinterest search also.

So if you find it hard to choke down the WhisperApp on your cell, maybe you ought to check them out on Pinterest. You'll see it in a whole new light.

I really think Whisper should add board number 46 and call it "Bored People" cause right there is a bank of people who need a a job, or a friend. If I had all the bored people help me out just a little tiny bit on my startup, I might be able to pull off the impossible. 

Pushing Your Startup In New Algorithm Times

Ahh wouldn't you know it, when I came up with my "Great Idea" I would have had a better chance at making the push into the market a fairly easy success. Oh yeah, if I had done it ten years ago. Or even just a few years ago it was easy for people to use SEO, and other key word coding techniques to get their lonely little startup to pop up into the top ten list on a Google search. 

Now it's all changed, and there are millions upon millions of

businesses attempting to make a go of it on the World Wide Web. It's not your competition you really have to worry about, it's getting "Who you are and what is your product" out there, and seen by the people who you know, need and want your product.

Now all the companies who made it so easy for startups, and other business ventures, changed their algorithm's. Yeah, it's been a big hurt to us people who heard about the dream, but we just came in to late. 

Yet, were not really late, were just coming in at a different time, and they made the obstacle course harder. The algorithms became to easy, and they decided we have to suck it up and fight for the push to be successful. If you are a wimpy kind of company, and you can't accept the challenge of the new obstacle course, well, they are weeding you out. Take Note! 

So fucking suck it up, find the new way to make your startup grow. It might take longer then all the old wonderful speedy startup successes you heard about. It might make you feel like a loser wandering around a pit of stress and hopelessness. It might make you feel cheated, cause you have to do it the hard way, and your jealous of all the old algorithm companies, but you know what? We are the new algorithm companies, we are the ones who take on this new extremly hard obstacle course. We are the ones in the next phase of our worlds beautiful technology. We have to be stronger.  

A local musician in Denver in the 1980's named Lin Esser, wrote a song called World War West, or maybe it was the album title. I always liked that title. World War West.  Just think of this new algorithm problem as World War West. A different kind of war. The kind where you take on the challenge and you fight your way to the top! 

There is nothing more important then getting your idea to the top, because you are the only one who knows, it's a great idea. 

And that is worth going to war for. 

Persistence, PTSD, Pain and Pushing Your Startup

Persistence
One of the things I have learned from reading Paul Graham essays is, founders are the ones who give their startup the push to get the traction, to take it to the next level. Founders make it happen.

Founders get down and dirty, and do things they never dreamed of doing, discovering things they never thought possible about themselves, and the ones who don't give up the push, well, they are the ones who have a better chance at making it.

I have the persistence, I'm not giving up ever. Even when I have many days that I think I should do just that.  I have already decided that if I don't give up I'll be successful. Yet it's not an easy road, it's painful at times, and sometimes it's extremly painful. Then you add in all the regular life shit on top of that, and your pretty fucked in the mind. 

Pain
Some of us Entrepreneurs suffer from depression. I have my episodes with that, but it's not usually to much or to long. The problem I have is PTSD. 

PTSD
I did not know that I had PTSD for years, until one day when I went to a therapist for another reason, she pointed out all the issues that proves I have it. Uggg, no way man! You are crazy I told her! I was pretty sure PTSD was only for people who have been in war zones, and seen, and participated in some pretty damn serious shit. So don't label me with that honor, cause I don't have it!

Gulp, after further research and thought, oh yeah when you can't get repeating memories out of your head, that's a sign. When something triggers a thought, and anxiety fills your chest and the thoughts flood your mind, that's a sign. I hate it. It's just a burden of thoughts that torture me. 

I have done my stints in therapy for it. Tonight I drove up to Boulder to try out a PTSD support group. Why, why, why am I still suffering from this crap, I asked myself as I drove up from Denver. My answer was, because all the bullies that dished out their bull on me never apologized! Of course I forgave all of them years ago, but the thoughts won't leave my head until they say they are sorry for bullying me, or I never see their sorry asses again. One of the two things have to happen. 

Fat chance on a bully saying they are sorry. So it's time for me to cut them out of my life. I'm done. There will be no more bully of me ever! So fuck you past bullies in my life. And that goes for any future bullies, that think they can do it to me again, because I have changed, and you won't be able to pull your torture crap on me again. You are scum. People who do cruelty to others on purpose are losers! 

Pushing

I am in the push phase of my startup. It is extremly hard. For any trep not at or never having done this stage, it's probably the stage that will test you the most. Especially if you are like me at this stage and running on a very thin line of cash flow. Here I am searching for how to find money and push my little tiny start up with virtually nothing, my brother dies, and the PTSD flairs up. As if I really need a big dose of torture thoughts! Isn't that fucking lovely? 

Well that's life in my startup, and nothing is stopping me, even if I run out of money, I will find a way. Because my payback to all bullies is this: I'm turning all the pain you heaped on me into something positive to help others. 

Pluto: The Disappearing Email : - )

Finally, someone has come to save me from myself. 

I would love to send Pluto, 40 dozen Roses, 400 pounds of chocolate, and 900 cases of the finest wine in the world as a great big THANK YOU. 

I am the biggest offender of "hit send" on emails, that, well, I really should not have sent! 

What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I knowingly send emails that will get me into some kind of trouble? 

Ummm well, let me put it to you as blunt as an Eminem rap. "I don't fucking care" You see the problem started some years ago when I was extremly depressed and suicidal. During that time in my life, my mind changed, and I decided, Fuck It! If I'm going to be dead tomorrow, might as well say EXACTLY what I want to say! 

We do have freedom of speech here in America, but we do not have the right to go around saying things that can damage someone else with SLANDER. That's not what I do. 

What I usually do is call someone out on their shit. Or I an invent what I think, are great ideas, and I dish those out, and people just cringe when they run into me, cause they do not want to tell me how bad the idea was. This causes awkwardness! Eeeekkkk

But you see, I'm not afraid to tell a bully off, or a friend that, well you are stupid if you do that! 

Here is the thing I always ask myself before I hit send. "If I died tomorrow, would I be glad I sent that email?" My answer is almost always YES, cause I'll be dead! So hit send! ; - )

Okay, honestly, yes I have felt a tiny bit guilty that I have sent certain emails in life. 

But only a tiny bit. Yes, I have at times, had the fantasy,"I wish I could send another email, that would automatically delete the previous email from the person's account to whom I sent it", in hopes, they never got a chance to read it! The thing is, I often think of the person I sent my "I don't give a fuck email to" and I think about what kind of person they are, and usually, I know they are not the "open thinking" kind of person. Yet, I kinda want them to be, so that's why I send it. 

If you can't open up your mind to debate, discuss, be angry with, disagree with, and still love your friend or family, then, well you can't walk the line I walk - it's the line of who cares, If your dead tomorrow. Say it, because it matters.

So here we go. It's PLUTO on the plate. The way to saving yourself from yourself! I'm so in. Because the thing is, I usually know the questionable emails I send out, and maybe a little disappearing could do me good! 

Tending To The Dead: My Brother Turned Into A Box

The Travel Of The Ashes

My Uncle Al brought my brothers ashes back from Arizona, and I picked them up from him today. Al had been vacationing for a month down there, and was happy to pick him up and bring him home to us. He was so kind to his ashes, he took the cardboard box they gave him, and put it in another cardboard box and packed it with lots of stuffing as to insure my brother would be stable and not have an upsetting trip back to Colorado. I think it was his way to honor his nephew he hadn't seen in years.

The Life We Had Now In A Tiny Box
I put the box on the seat next to me and drove off. Then I looked over and thought "wow, I've done this before" It was our brother Tim who I picked up almost to the day, fourteen years earlier. Now it was Mark. My beloved almost twin brother. The next thought I had was "The last time Mark sat in that seat in my car, he was a person, now he is in a box, and is ashes" How can you plan such a drive? Do you ever think you will be driving with the person you love, turned into a box with a label on it? 

Yeah, that's what life is sometimes.
Of course we're all going to pass, but if you have any sense about yourself, you hope it's when you're good and OLD. When a life is cut short of amazing things to come, it's really excruciating sad.

So I drove home and opened up the box, and I was really upset. They gave him no dignity. There my brother was, in a plastic bag in a cardboard box with a label, as if it was something you would want to purchase. 

As my heart broke, I drove directly to my favorite mortuary Bullocks. They had treated my brother Tim with dignity, so I needed their help.

First a very kind young woman was helping my daughter and I, but she had to go, so in walked this very old, tall, kind, man. He must have been in his eighty's. He said he would put the ashes in a plastic urn, as everything they have is order only. He also said he would divide the ashes so that I could have some, and the rest I would give to my brothers son and daughter. 
As he was gone, I was looking over all the beautiful urns and the wooden ones stood out.

So when the kind man came back, I said,"Couldn't I just buy this one right now?" and he grabbed it without hesitation and said "Yes, do you want me to put him in it?" Yes, please I said.

He also put a little bit of my brother in three small handheld urns for family members, my daughter had picked out. He did everything possible to help ease my pain, and give my brother more dignity then a plastic bag and cardboard box.

So then I went to pay. The old man said, well I will give the credit card machine a try, but I'm not to good at it. He failed. Then I stood and thought, "oh yeah I have 4 hundred dollar bills at home, I'll go get it." He said okay, and handed me the bag with my brother in all his beautiful containers. 

Amazing, gentle, caring, respectful, trusting, kindness he showed me. What a pleasure he was.

I feel better now. Here is the pictures of the cardboard box and new wooden box made out of pine beetle kill trees from the Rocky Mountains.

See my Vine. https://vine.co/digithin    It's a really beautiful box.

Keep living your life and building your startups. Keep turning your dreams into reality. We only have one life, so live it! Don't let any down times, take you way down. As a friend wrote in my high school year book."Let all your ups and downs be between the sheets!"  Now that's good advice!

Love you

~ Jana

A Business School Student, Who's Never Heard The Word Startup.

It was WhisperApp that we crossed paths. A 23 year old business student, and I were talking about the fact that he did not drink or do drugs. That was his post. He had said that he was probably a rare man who didn't drink and do drugs, and I had responded with, "What do you do then? work out?" 

So the conversation began. We fiddled around with stupid stuff trying to find out what the other person did for a living etc... and then when I replied that I was a "Crazy Entrepreneur" he exploded with joy as if I was some kind of goddess! 

His reply was filled with excitement! I was the woman he was looking for, at least in theory. He said he too was that, and he was filled with the utmost joy!

I read the reply and thought "oh great a person who loves business, and being an entrepreneur, and so I started talking about my startup. 

Whoops! 

When I said "startup" he replied with, "Do you mean the website?" Hmmm, I pondered what he meant. Yes surly there are lots of startup websites, but he seemed to be referring to "startup" as the one and only website called Startup.

Turns out that, he has never heard of the word "startup". Now I can understand that because most of my friends have never heard of that word, or if they have, they don't know what it is. He humbly admitted that he didn't know what it was. So gracious to do that!

I told him what it was, in as, briefly words as I could in an app. I don't really think he knows the whole realm of it at this point, but I hope I cracked open his mind, just a tiny bit more.

I thought about business school, and what that would be like to be, in today. I went to college every decade of my life, but I never took business. The sad thing is, it's business that really excites me. It's the one thing I should have been taking all those years I stumbled around trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I always thought business was BORING! I never signed up for those classes. I always signed up for something I thought I was interested in, like art or writing. But what I thought was interesting, always lead to nothing for me in the career realm.

I thought about my new young friend, and the fact he was in business school. I don't know what semester he was in, but if he has never heard the word startup, he couldn't be far. Yet maybe he could be. 

The word startup, should be common knowledge in business school I would think. Yet maybe college's today will not study that until the last semester, who knows! I think the very first thing you should learn in business school is,"What is a Startup". It's hugely important!

A startup is the fire of entrepreneurs! It's the reason we exist, the reason we seek building great things for others. A startup is  the emerald of business, the diamond of business desire, the solid stone of conquering what you think you couldn't. It's the idea you took, and turned nothing into something. It's a company that can scale fast, once it gets going. 

A startup is the the very first class they should teach in business school. 

I've started a ton of startups, and they all have failed! Yet I do not give up, because I seek the startup that will be a gift for humanity. 

This is why I keep building startups!

~ jana, as always, I love you!

What Happened When I Got My Trademark.

Nothing

Today I picked my mail up, and was surprised to see my official letter from the United States Patent and Trademark Office. Here is what it looks like in case you've never seen one.

It made me very happy, in a very sad time for me. It was registered on March 18, 2014 and on March 19th 2014, I was told the grim news of my brother Marks death. Kinda odd, to think it's called a "Trademark" and my brother who died, well his name is Mark.

This is something I wouldn't have liked to share with him. He was a person who would encourage me to move forward with my crazy idea of DigiThin. He provoked me, and challenged me to do something with my idea. 

I remember when I wanted to use the slogan Qi Er Bu She, which means Never Give Up in Chinese pinyin, in my logo as a subtitle. So Mark did all this research and found the actual Chinese symbols to represent "Never Give Up". I remember how happy he was when he presented those symbols to me. : - ) He wanted me to use those! I'm sad that I did not use them. Maybe I will now.

The only thing that has happened because I have received this recognition from The United States Patent and Trademark Office is, that it made me HAPPY for a few hours, in a very SAD time. : - (

Maybe it's going to be good for my startup in the long run. It just seems like another paper you have to file and pay money for. Then you get the special shinny gold seal. Yeah that's amazing! So what.