In
the Dec/Jan 2013/2014 issue of Inc Magazine [Print] Brad Feld writes
a column called Start Up School. He talks about his Episodes of
depression in 2013. It has caused him so much pain and misery, that
he has decided to call a stop to his travels for 2014.
Maybe
not being shredded into bits and pieces of a sleep deprivation
machine will help him outsmart the nasty D. I hope so.
I
too am an Entrepreneur who has periodic episodes of depression. I
think there are many of us out there, but only a few will talk about
it. I hate depression, but I understand it like you would not
believe. At times my depression liked to talk me into hurting myself,
to the point of attempted suicides. That was many, many years ago.
Killing
myself is not something I would ever do, yet I do entertain the
thoughts from time to time. Yeah they just pop in my mind and it's
like I'm watching Dexter, yet I want to thrust the butcher knife
right into myself.
When
these thoughts consume my mind I just stand back and watch and say
“oh it's here again” There is nothing I can do but let it play
out. Sometimes I try to stop it by drinking a ton of alcohol, this
surly will put out the fire, but it usually leads me into some kind
of trouble with others.
None
of these others ever know I have the big D consuming me, and that I'm
not really me at the moment. They just think it's the alcohol.
Mostly, I work really hard to not let anyone know about this secret,
because after all it's like your some kind of loser if you have a
problem like this. Who wants to be around a depressed person? No one.
Perhaps
it's not really a problem, and it's a gift. Maybe for someone to
build startups it's the essential ingredient. If you don't have
depression episodes maybe you wont have ideas.
I
kind of think that is true. I think entrepreneurs are artist, they
create. Creating gifts for humanity, well that's what artist do.
The
act of taking a risk and creating, well that's crossing the line.
When an entrepreneur crosses the line then the judgment of others
comes into play. If it's rejected, well that's a great reason for
depression, but artist don't really get depressed from the rejection.
They get depressed because they just do. Rejection can make an
episode of depression way worse for sure, but it's not rejection that
created the depression.
I
do hope Brad Feld's depression experiment works for him, yet I kinda
think, he's just like me. There's not a lot we can do about it. It's
going to come and go. We don't really have a choice. At least I
don't. I just recognize it when it shows up, and try not to get into
too much trouble when it's rearing it's ugly head. I try to to eat
clean and work out a lot when it's flaming up in me, yet sometimes
nothing really works except curling up in bed and wait it out.
Your
blessed if you have it ~ I'm almost sure.
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