Wanting To Be Mean During The Holidays

Holidays - yes they annoy me. They disrupt my routine and force me to show up dressed up to places I'd rather not go. Talk to people who sometimes really upset me, and eat a bunch of crap that I really didn't want to, but it was a great way to pacify my mouth instead of saying what I really wanted to say. Screw you! Oh, I'm sorry, that was my Dexter mind talking. 

I've recently found myself engulfed in the show Dexter, about the blood analysist, whom is also a serial killer. In the show his "mind voice" often says what he really thinks, but that is only to himself. I think the reason the show is so popular is that many of us find ourselves to be a lot like Dexter. But were not serial killers and we would never do such a thing. Yet why, do I find myself relating to this loner? 

Entrepreneurs are loners. Sometimes we get really depressed and suicidal. Yeah we think about the kill but it's always our self we want to hack, not someone else. 

I like Dexter because he supposedly has no feelings about anything. But he does have a feeling about killing, he likes it, it sort of makes him feel super satisfied and gives him energy to live. All though every other feeling in life he has to fake, like his love for his future wife. 

Wouldn't it be nice to have no feelings, I think to myself. That would be a gift, then I wouldn't be upset when I have to face so many rejections about my startups.

It would also be handy during the holidays. For some reason I've been extra sensitive during the holidays this year, and I do not know why. It's like if someone ignores me or doesn't trust me, I see it and I'm pissed off. You little dirty M***** F***** why did you disrespect me? I'm like some mafia dude ready to carry out a hit, just because someone made a mistake and treated me like I can't be trusted. I just want to be like Dexter and have no feelings. That would come in handy for me.

There was this Doctor who I worked with and everyone hated him because he was such a dick. Oh yeah he was like the Indian Doctor that I talked about before. Yet he would look, and say mean things. He was the meanest Doctor around. And I wanted to be like him. 

Yes, this is what I wanted to be like. I wanted to be mean, why? Because I was to soft and people walked on me or bullied me. I wanted to learn how to be a bitch I guess. But that never worked out for me. I just could never be unkind or hurtful to others. It's just wrong to me. Yet some people in the world have no problem doing it. 

Even Dexter, a man with no feelings has the decency not to kill someone who does not deserve it. He has feelings. He cares about his code.

I want to be like Dexter because I do not want to be hurt. I want to look at someone who says some hurtful thing to me and have my mind think "Yeah, go ahead asshole, the parking lot is a dark place" 

Happy Holidays from an Entrepreneur.

~ love you!