My Cousin's Body Was Split Into Thirds By A freight Train.

One Minnesota morning, my cousin Van put his jogging clothes on and left his new apartment that he shared with his beautiful girlfriend. He would never return to it. He left his suicide note and headed for the railroad tracks.

The train conductor said he had no doubt it was a suicide, because he saw him lay down across the tracks. He didn't slip and fall, he wasn't trying to get out of the way of the train. Van wanted to die, and that day he did.

I was thinking about Van this weekend because his lovely sister came out to visit us here in Colorado. Van was her only sibling. She misses him dearly. I can see the great big hole in her, it's like a sadness that drips from her very being.

Now Van had a very special talent, he could remember and quote almost every statistic in any sport. He loved sports. I think he would have worked for ESPN one day if he had lived. Yet Van had the family curse as I like to call it. A depression so all encompassing that to survive it, well, it's tough. I know, I had to deal with the family curse when I was in my twenties. I had my suicide attempts. Somehow I made it through it.

You know that show Dexter about the serial killer? He has to pretend he has feelings. I had to pretend I didn't. I had to go on living and pretending that I wasn't depressed. I sort of just had to ignore my feelings. I rarely get depressed now, but it comes around for a visit every so often. The best thing I found to get rid of it is exercise. It's hard to be depressed when your almost dead from working out.

If you find yourself thinking about suicide, please reach out for help. There are lots of people you can talk to, there is plenty of help out there. The one thing that always kept me from killing myself is this: Were going to die anyway, why not hang around and see what life becomes? Why not set some goals and see If you can achieve them? Your sorrow and your depression may turn out like mine, it might just leave you alone and you'll be free to be happy, but you won't know that if you're not around anymore.

You don't have to worry about killing yourself, were all going to die, so take it off the table of choices and start living!

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline