Who wouldn't drop everything to listen to someones confession? After all a confession is usually something really juicy, packed full of mind blowing knowledge of the down and dirty list of the confessor. He he he he he he
I became a Christian at the age of 24. My parents told me when I was 12, that I would live my entire life by the age of 21. I was overdoing life. I consumed it as much as possible. My parents were not that far off. By 24 I had attempted suicide a few times, as I was done with living. I remember thinking 'What do you do when the party is over?' I thought it was death. There was nothing else in life to do, as I believed I had done it all! I hadn't become a Christian, so to save my life, I searched out this God people talked about.
Of course I felt all the creepy jeepy feelings you may think of when you hear the word Jesus or God. Those words are so perfectly not a party. Even though He is perfect, and He is a party. Since I was (and still am) a pretty wild woman, my walk with the Lord was horrible. I'd get mad at Him all the time. I'd tell Him off for all the problems I struggled with, including my choices, physical problems, job problems, people problems, and the never ending anger list.
My confession is: For 29 years I've lived in a miserable walk with the Lord. I had nothing good to tell a non believer. In fact, I didn't want anyone to know I was a Christian, because they would never be interested in Him if they saw my walk. I did not want to be the reason a person turned away. I called myself "A Lousy Christian" I was worthless at it.
Here is the thing. We all will be worthless at it. None of us can ever be a perfect Christian or perfect human. All my struggles to be a better person, to be free of anger, hatred, hopelessness, worthlessness, foul language, evil doings... these things prove to me that this man they call Jesus is real. In fact every single struggle I have ever had, is in the Bible. When I read it, I'm in awe. There it is in black and white, my life written around two thousand years ago! Yours too. In Hebrews 2:1 it says: So we must listen very carefully to the truth we have heard, or we may drift away from it. NLT. This is what happened to me time and time again. I drifted away, but I never was not a Christian. I just sucked at it. Pretty much how I suck as an Entrepreneur. Both of these things have immense challenges, so many in fact, that I drift away.
The one thing I can tell you as a "Lousy Christian" and "Suck Ass Entrepreneur" is I go with the truth. For some reason the Lord gave me the gift of discernment. At times the false religions, false doctrine, false followers,false teachers, try to suck me in. Even if I go with them a few weeks, I always smell the lies. I always seem to know what sound Christian Doctrine is, even if I don't think I'm good at doctrine. I'm grateful for this this gift.
If you are not a Christian let me warn you. If you ever choose to seek Jesus or God, there are more than you can stand false organizations out there ready to reel you in. You see by twisting what the Bible says by just a little, these types of organizations can trick you, so they can make big bucks. They cash in on your miserable life. They tell you what you want to hear, they make you feel so good! It's not the truth, it's a lie. If you ask me, if you're going to follow some Creepy Jeepy Jesus, well, it better be the truth, not the fake shit spewing lies of false hope. It's rampant out there, so be careful.
So that's it, my confession, I'm a Lousy Christian! and I am completely happy to be that, because I know, I know the truth. I do know a ton about doctrine. I do know the struggle to walk the walk. I don't care if my walk is not pretty, not decorated with sweet words. Not emulating an amazing successful Christian, who appears to be so perfect and pure. No, I'm a sinner who has been forgiven by the death of the most amazing man, Jesus. Yes, I will still sin, but I will sin less as I walk with Him. I will be His servant even if I appear to be rough, crazy, wild, lonely, sad, angry, hopeless, ignorant,annoying, self centered,depressed,suicidal,and worthless.
Like Yodi, we must pause with our questions and wait instruction.
Oh Lord ~
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