Pluto: The Disappearing Email : - )

Finally, someone has come to save me from myself. 

I would love to send Pluto, 40 dozen Roses, 400 pounds of chocolate, and 900 cases of the finest wine in the world as a great big THANK YOU. 

I am the biggest offender of "hit send" on emails, that, well, I really should not have sent! 

What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I knowingly send emails that will get me into some kind of trouble? 

Ummm well, let me put it to you as blunt as an Eminem rap. "I don't fucking care" You see the problem started some years ago when I was extremly depressed and suicidal. During that time in my life, my mind changed, and I decided, Fuck It! If I'm going to be dead tomorrow, might as well say EXACTLY what I want to say! 

We do have freedom of speech here in America, but we do not have the right to go around saying things that can damage someone else with SLANDER. That's not what I do. 

What I usually do is call someone out on their shit. Or I an invent what I think, are great ideas, and I dish those out, and people just cringe when they run into me, cause they do not want to tell me how bad the idea was. This causes awkwardness! Eeeekkkk

But you see, I'm not afraid to tell a bully off, or a friend that, well you are stupid if you do that! 

Here is the thing I always ask myself before I hit send. "If I died tomorrow, would I be glad I sent that email?" My answer is almost always YES, cause I'll be dead! So hit send! ; - )

Okay, honestly, yes I have felt a tiny bit guilty that I have sent certain emails in life. 

But only a tiny bit. Yes, I have at times, had the fantasy,"I wish I could send another email, that would automatically delete the previous email from the person's account to whom I sent it", in hopes, they never got a chance to read it! The thing is, I often think of the person I sent my "I don't give a fuck email to" and I think about what kind of person they are, and usually, I know they are not the "open thinking" kind of person. Yet, I kinda want them to be, so that's why I send it. 

If you can't open up your mind to debate, discuss, be angry with, disagree with, and still love your friend or family, then, well you can't walk the line I walk - it's the line of who cares, If your dead tomorrow. Say it, because it matters.

So here we go. It's PLUTO on the plate. The way to saving yourself from yourself! I'm so in. Because the thing is, I usually know the questionable emails I send out, and maybe a little disappearing could do me good! 

Tending To The Dead: My Brother Turned Into A Box

The Travel Of The Ashes

My Uncle Al brought my brothers ashes back from Arizona, and I picked them up from him today. Al had been vacationing for a month down there, and was happy to pick him up and bring him home to us. He was so kind to his ashes, he took the cardboard box they gave him, and put it in another cardboard box and packed it with lots of stuffing as to insure my brother would be stable and not have an upsetting trip back to Colorado. I think it was his way to honor his nephew he hadn't seen in years.

The Life We Had Now In A Tiny Box
I put the box on the seat next to me and drove off. Then I looked over and thought "wow, I've done this before" It was our brother Tim who I picked up almost to the day, fourteen years earlier. Now it was Mark. My beloved almost twin brother. The next thought I had was "The last time Mark sat in that seat in my car, he was a person, now he is in a box, and is ashes" How can you plan such a drive? Do you ever think you will be driving with the person you love, turned into a box with a label on it? 

Yeah, that's what life is sometimes.
Of course we're all going to pass, but if you have any sense about yourself, you hope it's when you're good and OLD. When a life is cut short of amazing things to come, it's really excruciating sad.

So I drove home and opened up the box, and I was really upset. They gave him no dignity. There my brother was, in a plastic bag in a cardboard box with a label, as if it was something you would want to purchase. 

As my heart broke, I drove directly to my favorite mortuary Bullocks. They had treated my brother Tim with dignity, so I needed their help.

First a very kind young woman was helping my daughter and I, but she had to go, so in walked this very old, tall, kind, man. He must have been in his eighty's. He said he would put the ashes in a plastic urn, as everything they have is order only. He also said he would divide the ashes so that I could have some, and the rest I would give to my brothers son and daughter. 
As he was gone, I was looking over all the beautiful urns and the wooden ones stood out.

So when the kind man came back, I said,"Couldn't I just buy this one right now?" and he grabbed it without hesitation and said "Yes, do you want me to put him in it?" Yes, please I said.

He also put a little bit of my brother in three small handheld urns for family members, my daughter had picked out. He did everything possible to help ease my pain, and give my brother more dignity then a plastic bag and cardboard box.

So then I went to pay. The old man said, well I will give the credit card machine a try, but I'm not to good at it. He failed. Then I stood and thought, "oh yeah I have 4 hundred dollar bills at home, I'll go get it." He said okay, and handed me the bag with my brother in all his beautiful containers. 

Amazing, gentle, caring, respectful, trusting, kindness he showed me. What a pleasure he was.

I feel better now. Here is the pictures of the cardboard box and new wooden box made out of pine beetle kill trees from the Rocky Mountains.

See my Vine. https://vine.co/digithin    It's a really beautiful box.

Keep living your life and building your startups. Keep turning your dreams into reality. We only have one life, so live it! Don't let any down times, take you way down. As a friend wrote in my high school year book."Let all your ups and downs be between the sheets!"  Now that's good advice!

Love you

~ Jana