The Crazy Part Of Crazy: Building Startups

When I talk about being crazy, it's not like a nut freak who does bad things in society. No, my crazy is about being creative, having drive, dreams and desires to build funny things called startups. Oh those wild ideas that you can turn virtually nothing into something. Yes, that kind of crazy.

The insanity that comes with my type of personality is well, just over the edge from every normal person in my life who, goes to college, gets a career and works in that field their entire life. I am so not like them. 

I often look at the people in my life and wonder why they do it. To me they seem like such normal people. Sometimes I even wish I was like them. If I were, then I wouldn't have to be consumed by the crazies in my mind. Those people whom I deem normal, seem perfectly satisfied with going to the same job day in and day out. Sometimes they hate their job and find another one just to hate that one too.

Me, I'm Always Thinking About What I Want To Create.

I'm always searching for that one idea that can help a million people. That can make a million people happy. That can have impact on a million lives. I wonder what normal people think about? What is it that makes my mind so different then them?

Most people don't know that I've been building startups since I was 11 years old. For many years these startups I built were only in my mind. A fantasy, a daydream of something I wanted to create. Then I started taking steps to get the thoughts out of my head and onto paper, then into prototype. Eventually all the ideas ended up in a file cabinet, I took some only so far, just to give up, quit, it seemed useless to keep going. 

My All The Way Startup

Now I'm at the place where I decided "so it's not the greatest idea in the world, but I can take it all the way" DigiThin. That's my all the way startup. You see I have nothing else to do with my life, so might as well take it all the way. Even if I'm 90 when either I finally give up, and call it a failure, or most likely I will be building many more ideas between now and the age of 90. So DigiThin can stay alive, there is no reason for it not to. 

The Plague Of Ideas

Currently I am plagued with another "Great idea" or a big dose of crazies is running rampant in my brain. Of course I'm going to chase it, as long as it keeps taunting me. I've already run into obstacles, and my entrepreneur mind says "oh, lets find our way around those" and that's what I do. I have to build eavesdropApp, I just have to. Because I see it in my brain. I see every little detail of how it's going to work. I also see why it didn't work in the past for others who have already had the similar idea. It's a different time, now. Technology has advanced. EavesdropApp wants to be built. So it landed in my brain and it wants me to build it.

Is there any coders out there that would like to join a startup? We can take eavesdropApp all the way, I have no doubt. And it scales ever so much more then DigiThin. 

; - )  

Talk to me jana@digithin.com

Grief, Equity For Cash And The Investor Who Kicked My A**

Oh I am suffering bad right now. I'm getting my ass kicked left and right and I so duly deserve it. 

I wrote about how I felt like I wasn't really myself a few months back. As if I was in some sort of psychotic entrepreneur episode. I was just starting to feel a bit better about myself when the Arizona police department called to say they had found my brother dead in his apartment. It was the neighbors who reported a strong smell. He had been dead for over a week, and no one missed him. This makes me sad. 

So I did all the things a sister must do in this kind of situation,arrange the funeral, pick up the ashes,talk to relatives, and continued to work my butt off on my startup. But mixing grief with a startup is not good.

Here are the ingredients for grief:

Denial

Isolation

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

I have had them all except, Acceptance. I think when you get to acceptance then you are over it. You can finally let them rest at peace. Or really, you can rest at peace yourself. So stir those other five ingredients into working on your startup, and you have a crazy person on the loose. Me.

I Wander Around My House And Don't Accomplish A Thing.

I immerse myself into my startup work. I try to avoid every thought of my brother, then some small glitch in my startup becomes impending doom, with anger seeping out all over the place, people in my path can't figure out, what the hell happened to Jana? And new people in my path certainly are seeing a nut! A total freaking freak!

Only time can heal the grief. But I don't want the grief. it's messing up my plans, it's screwing up my behavior, it's making an already crazy, insane, entrepreneur even crazier. It's horrible! I want it to go away, thus it's not something you can make go away. You can't just rip it out of your soul.

People Kicking My Ass 

I met an investor on WhisperApp. Yes, it's not just a sex app people! I found my first employee on Whisper. So I was talking to this nice man and trying to make a equity for cash pitch, and I blew it. This investor kicked my ass in the most kind way, and made me swallow my pride, ego, insanity, and every bit of my being. I didn't believe in myself, my startup, my idea, or the fact that one truly could find an Angel investor on WhisperApp.

I had a potential opportunity and I BLEW IT. Oh, where is that rock I need to climb under? 

And he has not been the only one to kick my ass when I needed it. I did a bad thing and a company I deal with put me in my place! They stood up to my shit. I apologized and climbed under a rock. 

Spinning Out Of Control

There is no excuse for my bad behavior or poor judgement, not even. "Oh I am a crazy person suffering grief and building a startup." If I do wrong I apologize. It's just that I don't want to be the person I am right now. I want the broken heart to be gone. I want the not knowing why my brother died to be answered. I want to save my startup from sinking before it gets a chance to sail. I want to build EavesdropApp. I want to help people.

I think it's time to get a dog and start running......................cause this spinning out of control crap is killing me.