The Depression Of Entrepreneurs – The Nasty D.

In the Dec/Jan 2013/2014 issue of Inc Magazine [Print] Brad Feld writes a column called Start Up School. He talks about his Episodes of depression in 2013. It has caused him so much pain and misery, that he has decided to call a stop to his travels for 2014.

Maybe not being shredded into bits and pieces of a sleep deprivation machine will help him outsmart the nasty D. I hope so.

I too am an Entrepreneur who has periodic episodes of depression. I think there are many of us out there, but only a few will talk about it. I hate depression, but I understand it like you would not believe. At times my depression liked to talk me into hurting myself, to the point of attempted suicides. That was many, many years ago.

Killing myself is not something I would ever do, yet I do entertain the thoughts from time to time. Yeah they just pop in my mind and it's like I'm watching Dexter, yet I want to thrust the butcher knife right into myself.

When these thoughts consume my mind I just stand back and watch and say “oh it's here again” There is nothing I can do but let it play out. Sometimes I try to stop it by drinking a ton of alcohol, this surly will put out the fire, but it usually leads me into some kind of trouble with others.

None of these others ever know I have the big D consuming me, and that I'm not really me at the moment. They just think it's the alcohol. Mostly, I work really hard to not let anyone know about this secret, because after all it's like your some kind of loser if you have a problem like this. Who wants to be around a depressed person? No one.

Perhaps it's not really a problem, and it's a gift. Maybe for someone to build startups it's the essential ingredient. If you don't have depression episodes maybe you wont have ideas.

I kind of think that is true. I think entrepreneurs are artist, they create. Creating gifts for humanity, well that's what artist do.

The act of taking a risk and creating, well that's crossing the line. When an entrepreneur crosses the line then the judgment of others comes into play. If it's rejected, well that's a great reason for depression, but artist don't really get depressed from the rejection. They get depressed because they just do. Rejection can make an episode of depression way worse for sure, but it's not rejection that created the depression.

I do hope Brad Feld's depression experiment works for him, yet I kinda think, he's just like me. There's not a lot we can do about it. It's going to come and go. We don't really have a choice. At least I don't. I just recognize it when it shows up, and try not to get into too much trouble when it's rearing it's ugly head. I try to to eat clean and work out a lot when it's flaming up in me, yet sometimes nothing really works except curling up in bed and wait it out.

Your blessed if you have it ~ I'm almost sure.

Burning Bridges Means: Someones Blind

You know it's funny how people will so blindly burn a bridge. Yeah, go ahead, light it on fire, like an arsonist who thinks they are in control of an outcome neither side could predict.

It's a shame when someone burns a bridge and yet this happens often in the startup world. Someone has an idea and pushes it onto others in hopes of finding the right people to help them build the startup.

The others jump in and think, yeah this is a great idea I want to be a part of it, but then after sometime, maybe a year, they decide it's just not a good idea because they don't see any money flowing in from it. Yeah, they start thinking all kinds of negative thoughts. Pretty soon they have developed a full blown resentment about wasting all their time on someone else's idea. So they QUIT.

The quitting part is not easy and it flares up into all kinds of discombobulated weird actions and words. The founder is totally confused, the co-founder is spinning their head around like an Exorcist, what the fuck is happening?

Oh it's just the bridge burning, that's all.

I'm pretty sure there are many people out there who walked away from a great idea because they thought it was trash. They put some time in on it, and they could not hold on to being “patient” They could not stand the stand as long as the founder could.

You see success happens when you don't give up. Success happens when you take the stand, through all it's turmoils, including not making money. Building a startup to be successful is not easy. It's often a long drawn out road of pain and suffering, with no money, no hope, and no one who believes in you. Basically you have to be able to stand up to being ridiculed, tossed into the gutter like trash, laughed at, mocked, whispered about, humiliated, demoralized! Not many can withstand this. But I can.

A lot of people have burned the bridge with me and my startup. I'm sad about it. These people I saw as brilliant people with a potential to shine in the startup world. Some hung on for a bit, others for a while longer. Yet all of them have walked away from me. To the one who doesn't, you will be blessed.

Now VC and Angles and Incubators would all be saying “Oh see, she can't get anyone to help her, she is a lousy boss, or a horrible person to work with, she is a loser if she can't get a co-founder, she is a loser if she can't get others to help her, she is a loser if she can't get someone else to stand by her, her idea is stupid and worthless” Hmmmm, well they all walked away not because of me or my idea, but because they have no experience in building a startup. They did not know you have to work long endless hours with NO PAY. Not very many people can do that. Yet I told them all that. Still they want money.

Yeah it goes on and on, all the judgments against me. The bridge burners keep piling up. The incubators, VC's and Angels ignore me like I'm a piece of dirt on the floor. This is the life of building a startup. It's not pretty, but every step of it across the burning bridge, is one step towards success.

I know one thing – I'm going to be successful. And those who burned the bridge will be, well.............. sorry!

Effort + I know =I did it. But of course I would have rather had - We did it. Yet you burned your bridge.